Bill Maher devoted a large portion of his latest episode of Real Time to the changes in marijuana laws that are sweeping the nation. He was joined by fellow Top CelebStoner Willie Nelson.
Here's the transcript:
Bill Maher: I am totally rooting for Colorado (to win the Super Bowl) because they're the Jackie Robinson of pot. If they it screw it up, it's going to look bad. But so far so good there in Colorado. It's been almost a month, pot's been legal, the world has not spun off its axis. The biggest glitches they've had really is the far that people can't get enough supply. They've run out stuff, there are long lines. So we got the Zagat Guide for Colorado Pot Dispensaries to tell you where the stuff is….
• Bistro 420 in Denver: The 32 strains on the menu make it the Baskin Robbins of pot.
• Herb's Good Herb: Park you car and forget where you parked it at the strip mall dispensary…
• My Dealer's Skanky Girlfirend: Take a trip back in time to remember what it was like scoring dope before it was legal… Is that Bill Maher and Woody Harrelson we spotted in the back?
• Salvia Sal's: Red sauce meets Panama Red in this Italian-style pot dispensary…
• Bosom Bud's: Boulder's first and only combination pot dispensary and sports bar… Is that Bill Maher and Woody Harrelson we spotted making a bet on the Super Bowl and packing a super bowl?
• Kosher Kollective in Vail: Jewish stoners flock to Colorado's only kosher dispensary where Rabbi Blitz Blitzstein's pot-infused bagels leave customers spinning like a dreidel. Is that Bill Maher and Woody Harrelson we spotted? I didn't even know they were Jewish.
[He brings out Willie Nelson.]
Maher: You are, of course, one of the nation's beloved founding stoners. Were you surprised this week when Obama made his comment that pot is not so bad and there wasn't a big response from conservatives? They kind of just let it fly.
Nelson: I think a lot of the conservatives are realizing, Hey, maybe this is where we're going. Do I wanna go or do I wanna be left behind? A lot of people are saying, Heck, it's not that bad.
Maher: If they taxed it, they wouldn't have to tax people like you so much.
Nelson: True story.
Maher: We've seen so much change on this issue. Do you remember when our friend Woody Harrelson was arrested just for planting that hemp seed once? That would never happen today… I really think the issue of marijuana is heading on a faster track than even gay marriage, because gay marriage still has Bible thumpers who will always be against that. But pot has no one against it, really, because it's the one thing that unites hippies and hillbillies. Southerers smoke pot, right?
Nelson: If you Google marijuana and the Bible, you come up with I give you seeds of reknown for the miseries of mankind - that's in Ezekiel 33:29.
Maher: You're saying those seeds are the seeds that we all…
Nelson: I don't know any other seeds that do that.
Maher: So you're saying seeds are not necessarily a bad thing in the pot, because we always used to try to get of rid of the seeds. Remember, we'd roll them on an album cover? I've rolled joints on your album covers! You have a good double album so you call pour them out. Here's what Obama said and I just think this shows you how out of whack we are with this issue, because we all applauded when he said, "I don't think pot is more dangerous than alcohol." Well, not more dangerous, it's plainly way less dangerous. Alcohol abuse - 88,000 deaths a year. Prescription drug overdoses - 16,000 a year. Not one recorded instance of a marijuana overdose. I have living proof right here (points to Willie). You cannot overdose on this substance, right?
Nelson: A friend of mine though had a bale fall on him. That's the only guy that…
Maher: If Obama really believes this, what he said, it's not worse than alcohol, why is he still raiding dispensaries? Why is it still a Schedule 1 drug alongside of heroin, Ecstasy and acid?
Howard Dean: I've thrown in the towel (on pot legalization). It's true that pot is much less dangerous than alcohol - that's a fact. We are taking a whole generation of kids of color who are poor and undereducated, and one marijuana conviction which happens all the time consigns them never to be in the official workforce. That is a tragedy and disaster for the country. All we have to do is stop the busts and the stop and frisks, and stop victimizing these kids.
Maher: Why were you so hesitant about legalizing it in the first place?
Dean: I'm a teetotaler. I don't use drugs… I obviously think it's better not to do all that stuff, but who am I to render my judgement?
Maher (on Overtime): Let's get high now that it's legal.