Stephen Colbert: "Last night Barack Obama watched his legacy go up in smoke, but thanks to a Washington ballot initiative that is now legal. That's right, DC now stands for Dank Chronic. Thanks to this new law we're never going get Lincoln off of that damn couch (shows photo of Lincoln Memorial with a joint). If anyone needs to take the edge off after last night it's this guy (shows photo of Obama). I say go for it, sir - appoint yourself commander in spleef. You're looking at two years with the Republican House and Senate. What's the worst that can happen? You get high and nothing gets done. You get high and maybe get paranoid that Congress is out to get you? I think it's time to tear up Michelle's organic kale patch and plant some Skunkforce 1. If you ever get the munchies, the Secret Service has proven that the Domino's guy can just jump over the fence."